Tuesday, January 31, 2012

300 Reasons

1.
2.
3. Because no one really cares...
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9. Because you will miss your fucking bus!
10. Because the shops are closing in 10 minutes...
11.
12.
13.
14.
15. Because it simply isn't dignified.
16. Because Ben Dawson will eat your soul.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21. Because people are trying to sleep in here!
22. Because it's putting me off my food.
23.
24. Because you know it makes sense.
25.
26.
27. Because we have pills for that now
28.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33. Because the wind might change and you'll be stuck like that forever.
34.
35.
36. Because you'll get hairy plms
37.
38. Because D.A.R.E is only for pussies
39.
40. Because there’s no I in twat
41. Because life is too short
42. Because you might end up with Russell Brand's Hair.
43.
44.
45.
46.
47.
48.
49.
50.
51.
52.
53.
54.
55. Because mother would not approve
56. Because Jesus said NO
57.
58.
59.
60.
61. Because it's my time of the month.
62.
63. Because my name ain't really Frank...
64.
65.
66. Because you'll end up in the Lib Dems...!
67.
68.
69. Because Prison won't make you a man.
70. Because New Labour are full.
71.
72.
73. Because the Tories are full
74.
75.
76.
77.
78.
79.
80.
81.
82.
83.
84.
85.
86.
87.
88.
89.
90. Because you have to pay for your sins sometime.
91.
92.
93.
94.
95.
96.
97.
98.
99.
100.
101.
102.
103.
104.
105.
106.
107.
108.
109.
110.
111.
112.
113.
114. Because I need you to keep buying my records.
115. Because it butters no parsnips.
116.
117.
118.
119.
120.
121.
122.
123.
124.
125.
126.
127.
128.
129.
130.
131. Because you should leave pointlessness to blunt pencils.
132.
133.
134.
135.
136.
137.
138.
139.
140.
141.
142.
143.
144.
145.BECAUSE IDEALS ARE LUXURIES
146.
147.
148. Because Rick-Rolling isn't funny any more.
149.
150.
151.
152.
153.
154.
155.
156.
157.
158.
159. Because Horse The Band sound like … COLDPLAY!
160. Because the difference between Italian espresso and cocaine is, frankly, academic.
161.
162. Because mum doesn't approve of drugs.
163.
164.
165.
166.
167.
168.
169.
170.
171.
172.
173.
174.
175.
176. Because Joe Strummer is never coming back.
177. Because drinking on the job results in scribbling nonsense on record sleeves in Milan!
178.
179.
180.
181.
182. Because actually the American spellings (favor, color, etc) are arguably more accurate than the English
183. Because you'll end up tired, dirty, broke, far from home, playing to strangers who don't speak your language for 10 months a year
184.
185.
186. Because speaking truth to power will just get you arrested
187.
188.
189.
190.
191.
192.
193.
194.
195. Because if Crass called the Clash "The Cash", they'd surely laugh if they saw my stash.
196. Because integrity don't keep you warm and sane.
197.
198.
199.
200.
201.
202.
203.
204. Because you might enjoy the new version of "Hallelujah"
205.
206. Because Hollywood just wants to eat your soul.
207. Because if rationalists take their eye off the ball, the god squad creep in through the back door again.
208.
209.
210.
211.
212.
213.
214.
215.
216.
217. Because political correctness is just linguistic fascism.
218.
219. Because I'm a Man, he's a PC and you're a Fascist (linux).
220.
221. Because my battery's running low.
222.
223.
224.
225.
226. Because online piracy is theft!
227.
228.
229.
230.
231.
232. Because Paris Hilton will sue.
233.
234.
235. Because Art School is too cool.
236.
237.
238.
239. Because the more time you spend on the outside, the less there is on the inside
240.
241.
242.
243.
244.
245.
246.
247.
248.
249.
250. Because the back pages of Private Eye are full (+ very weird)
251.
252.
253. Because of Simon Cowell's hair cut/trouser line combo.
254.
255.
256. Because Hamas have it covered.
257.
258.
259. Because level-crossing deaths slow down the traffic.
260.
261.
262.
263.
264.
265. Because Dumbledore dies at the end.
266.
267.
268.
269.
270.
271.
272.
273.
274.
275. Because it isn't glandular...
276. Because the wind will change and you'll get stuck,
277.
278.
279.
280. Because it's not big or clever.
281.
282.
283.
284.
285. Because this is a town full of losers…
286. Because rock and roll won't save your soul
287. Because music can't change anything
288.
289.
290. Because you shouldn't believe everything you read
291.
292.
293. Because I'm not the outdoor type...
294.
295.
296.
297.
298.
299. Because the only thing that's left to do is live
300.
301. Because I have an erection.
302. Because silver pens get all over your fucking hands
303.
304.
305. Because the line between collectivism and tyranny is a thin one indeed.
306.
307.
308.
309.
310.
311. Because funk metal was never a good idea, ever...
312.
313. Because Stuart Lee is the funniest comedian in the UK
314. Because I look nothing like Bret from Flight of the Conchords
315. because it contravenes a number of the laws of thermodynamics
316. Because the Terminator films should have ended after #2
317.
318. Because the internet = Skynet.
319.
320.
321. Because I'd forgotten how dull writing these reasons out is...
322.
323.
324.
325. Because this is the last one of these fucking things, ever ! Yay !